January 18, 2015
Someone asked me to tell you in this email about what my pdays are like. Well, on pday we have a normal morning schedule, so we wake up at 6.30, exercise, eat, shower, get ready, then study for two hours. After that we usually write emails. Then we buy food and eat lunch. If we don't have anything planned, we go to the chapel to play ping pong or something like that. Our pdays are kind of boring sometimes-- my companion likes to sleep--but they are much needed and I´m glad we have them. We do not do our own laundry, we pay a member to do it. Aaaaaand I'm not gonna answer the question about the last time I washed my sheets...
I tried to withdraw money and the atm wouldn't accept my card, so I´m not quite sure how to do it. I'm gonna ask around to see what I can learn.
So there´s a city here called Limón, and every time I hear the name, I think of Momma J's lemon pepper chicken and get really hungry haha. And then I think of yáll and look forward to the day I´ll get to see everyone again. That being said, the time is slipping out of my fingers like the sand in the hour glass. Sometimes I worry that I´m not doing enough, that I´m not as good as the Lord needs me to be.
Oh the biggest party in Costa Rica is going on Santa Cruz right now. For five straight days the party rages, in the which NO ONE está en casa. So it makes it hard to teach. There´s bull riding, clowns, dances, it is absolutely crazy. Oh and a lot of drunk people.
I was asked which discussion I teach the most. There is no competition in my answer. We teach the restoration a BUNCH because we´re always finding new investigators. And often after the first lesson it´s hard to get a hold of people, so they don´t progress.
Yesterday I was sitting in the chapel during sacrament meeting thinking about when Jesus walked on water, and more specifically when Peter tried. In my mind I saw a beautifully depicted image, and I wished that I could sketch it out. However, I don´t have the skill for drawing, so I tried to write the picture inside my head. It is the best I could do--I'm sorry if badly done.
I saw Him walking and I felt a fire within me, a burning desire to do as He does, to be as He is. And in my faith, perhaps ignorance, perhaps arrogance, perhaps ambition,
I stepped out into the sea.
And for a moment I stood tall, His gaze sustained me. But then I saw Opposition.
Now come the waves.
And I´m sinking, rain lashes, lightning threatens, water crushes, what supported me looms to finish me.
How could I be so foolish as to believe that I could accomplish this? He set the example, Who Am I but a man of little faith?
Panic chokes me more surely than the avaricious water. Sorrow sets in as I remember when I was divinely called to this work, what little I knew to suppose that I could fulfill it with my own talents and abilities.
The water is to my chest, salty tears mix with the churning, briny water.
Confusion, why is this so hard? Aren´t I giving my all? Did He not bid me come? And where is He now that I need Him so desperately? Now that I've commenced this fateful and imminently fatal journey? I can´t go back, the boat is up and far away, I know that to look back would render me unfit, but I´m drowning.
Remembrance. I cry, my voice hoarse with terror. I have but to look up, He is here. The outstretched hand, deliverance waiting. All that is left to see is if we will take His hand And move forward. It seems so simple, yet how often do we reject it.
I am out of time.
Elder Noah M. Toney